I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize