also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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