He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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