I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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