I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
