boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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