I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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