So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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