I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
