butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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