Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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