so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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