there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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