This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
