I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Someone signed my nipple.
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