he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
