Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
