when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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