wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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