felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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