i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just gift wrapped bread.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
