He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."