I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
