Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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