I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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