I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
