phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
