Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
