I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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