I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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