soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
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This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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