woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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