ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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