How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
