once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
