if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
