woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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