Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
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Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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