He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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