Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
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He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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