Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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