I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
