"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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