so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
