Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just gargled with NyQuil
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
