I cannot find my penis.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
