Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
