i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she looked like the before picture.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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