he thought i was a dude.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
