Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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