You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
