10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
