Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
