god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.