Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.