Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
