So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize