having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
