So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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