He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
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he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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