Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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