My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
