When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
