I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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