my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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