and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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