So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
