i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
