I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
