Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
