K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
