i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
