A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
