Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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