Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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