Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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