You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
