WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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