I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
