i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
